By the way. Before we get anywhere with this writing, I need to tell you that this is as painful as everything else. This is also difficult, and it will get more difficult in time. Well yes, in a way it will also get easier, but reading the things I have written will be at least as painful as it has been so far with every written word in my life. As it is with every drawing, every opinion, every act and look. But that is part of the process, that is part of the healing. This time the writing might well be the most difficult of all - considering my current age and status, my responsibilities, the language I am using, and so on - but it might be the most useful, too.

And even though I started with "by the way", we are, in fact, quite precisely in the essence of everything with this theme. Because this "everything being so difficult" is the problem. I will later get back to the issue of what the "difficult" means here.

But hear me out, girl! You know that these restrictions are something you have grown into. Whenever I have been in the picture, you have had more courage, more fun, more personality, more everything. More dreams. But on the other hand, to be honest, together we lack some sense. We act before thinking, we throw ourselves into things that we should not, we forget about consequences. And then you push me away and get insanely humiliated by everything we did. You stay awake nights worrying all the potential harm we did. You regret everything in such a way that it almost breaks your heart. You regret that, for once, you lived, and in the process gave a piece of yourselve to the world. You believe that no matter what, it will be used against you, one way or another. And of course you might be right, and that is what scares you and helps you keep me away.

So what is missing here is the balance, that is for sure.

Next time I will give you the stage here. I will stay back and let you write your heart out. We both know already in advance that you will end up to the conclusion that you need me and cannot live without me, but I think that it will be useful for you to be able to convey your thoughts without me. To form a clear opinion purely from your viewpoint. Because it cannot be denied that you have some valid points and a right to be concerned, no matter how depressing it might be.